The End & the Means

Knowledge and wisdom come not from the ability to commit to memory experiences in life, but rather from the ability to comprehend the significance of them. This is why trivia is useless; it occupies the memory without stimulating the mind. Computers will always be better at tasks in memorization. It is therefore important not to seek facts, but evidence. Not to seek truths, but observations. It is only as we pine for the hunt that we find our prey. The conclusions we draw from our walk in life aren't as important as the walk itself. It is the walk that gives the end significance, not the other way around. If we could attain clarity without reaching clarity, we would not be enlightened, in quite the same way that in winning the lottery a person doesn't suddenly understand how to make equivalent sums of money.

This is not to say that our goals are not important, but finding the path that takes us to them is what gives the goals their existential weight. Our mind has a strange habit of denying or sabotaging opportunities which, unconsciously, we don't even believe we deserve. This is why wealth is so illusory. Once we can attain the things we desire without "earning" them, we lose the ability to feel the sense of reward our mind grants us upon reaching a goal.

As a counter argument, many would sardonically suggest poverty to those who scorn wealth. Poverty, or more pertinently extreme debt, is quite the opposite of wealth. Yes, of course economically, but more importantly in the sense of reward just mentioned. While wealth grants immediate and meaningless access, poverty gives a sense of continuous denial: we can't enjoy the things we attain, because they are paltry supplements to the whole of what we need. To a man in severe debt, very few things short of complete relief of debt will provide lasting satisfaction.

Our Invisible Hand

Sometimes I'm absolutely blown away by how much little control we actually have over our own emotional state and temperament. Day to day, minute to minute, our lives are strung together by a myriad of events and tasks essential to both our survival and enjoyment, but rarely do we take interest in the cause of our desires, wants, and even long term goals.

You're sitting at your computer, reading lines of text that I've written for a reason that completely escapes me, and all the sudden you feel something. A push? a pull? an unclear, indistinct feeling that simply demands attention. Suddenly you find yourself gazing around the room for a second, getting a drink of water, perhaps remembering to call someone you haven't been in touch with, the action itself isn't important because the interesting phenomena is that initial feeling, distraction. For some reason completely out of our control we are directed by a force, a sort of internal conductor in our waltz through life.

So what? Who cares if our attention escapes us occasionally, and we pursue other activities, right? If the scope of this humanly feature was that small, it wouldn't be that interesting, but it was probably the same odd, elemental desire the brought you to the computer in the first place.

We can almost look at life as being moved along by a series of spontaneous urges, and persistent ones. Persistent urges often relate to survival and ideas of happiness such as: relationships to other people (sexual and platonic), wealth, religious and spiritual pursuit, etc, While spontaneous urges are what occupy literally all of our free time (un-planned, un-scheduled time).

Much more to be said on this topic later, but as for now, try to consider the reasons for your actions and you might start to observe how decisions we claim as our own tend to be sparked by much more than just the conscious mind.